Good news on the enrolment front

As promised, we have two encouraging pieces of news on the enrolment front.

Firstly, as you may have heard, the FundFinder Probe sent by our predecessor Pict College to the Tenth Planet has returned with our first successful interplanetary student application.

We have discovered a new sentient species, eager to learn about our world. We are to call their civilization The Hive in English, reflecting the intriguing biological development of a communal mind, whereby all their million or so individuals share the same thoughts and experiences. In a ruling yesterday, the Caledonian Swampland Federation, our main funding body, has decreed that The Hive, for funding purposes, therefore only counts as one student, which will not have quite the hoped-for effect on our targets.

But, be that as it may, Kelpie College Board has decided to set up an office on the Tenth Planet to attempt to attract the Hive back in following years, as this prestige contract may influence further alien species, should they be discovered, in their choice of premium Terrestrial educational opportunities.

We did offer the Hive the option of distance learning, but apparently Internet lag times are something of a problem where they are, so their sole representative will be attending in person, once we have built suitable Hive-domes and airlocks for their convenience.

The second piece of good news is that, following their ruling last year that cetaceans may apply for courses and receive a 1.75 weighting for funding purposes, the CSF has extended this to any marine lifeform that can pass the basic diagnostic test battery of sentience. This excellent decision clears the way for further modifications to our entry assessment procedure, and I look forward to welcoming our first cohort of jellyfish once our technical and student records staff have worked out how to adapt our scanners to identify individual organisms.

Due to these exciting developments, we shall be announcing a new raft of courses in our next curricular publication.

The Principal

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